I quit. Really, I fucking quit. There should be a Blogging 101 class you’re required to take before you start this crap. Lesson one, day one should read something like, “Stats are a fucking mystery to us all, we recommend sacrificing a virgin at dawn to ensure good stats.”
This blogging shit is hard because I’ve become addicted to stats. Fran (editor extraordinaire) says I am a people pleaser. She claims I’m eager to do what ever anyone wants to keep ‘em coming back. But I don’t even really know Fran. She’s just some broad in North Carolina who (brilliantly ~ Fran) edits this drivel into a fun easy read. (She hopes ~Fran)
I don’t know why I obsess about it.I get the same exact amount of nothing if one person or a million people read this, so my obsession is similar to following Justin Bieber’s career. I mean, if his career tanks tomorrow, sure you’ll be sad (dork), but you’re not out much. Same here with this effort.
Still though, what the fuck do these numbers mean?
There was a big uptick in March. Why? February was down — man, it was down! Why did so few people come here in February? Was it something I said? In December and January we were up, baby! We had a lot of hits then. What the fuck does all this mean?
It means jack and shit. Nothing. It’s as pointless as changing your profile photo in support of a political cause. Which should mean SOMETHING to some of you, but likely won’t because no one reads this shit that deep except Fran and Marni … Sometime Maggie, but usually not and — fuck, what is this about again?
What the fuck is interesting to read here? Really, what do you find interesting to read here?
I think we need a poll. A good old-fashioned honest to “jebus” poll. A poll that not only says, “This is what I expect out of this retarded blog, but also, this is what I would like out of this blog,” because if stats have told me anything it’s all about you, and I’m fucking all ABOUT you, or at least making you happy. That sounds funny but it’s really, truly, honest. (See, I told ya. ~Fran)
I want to write things you will enjoy and read.
So, in an effort to figure out the whys, we can and shall — I decree — take a no-shit poll.
It’s right there above this paragraph, can you see it? For the first time in the history of “Had a Few Beers” we have an real poll. You can’t vote 12 times, you can’t vote for “I like ponies.” You can’t do anything but vote.
Like a good ol’ I-love-God-and-Country American, we’re gonna vote.
I’m curious to see the results. So please vote. Or leave a comment, comments are also good.