So yeah, I’m phoning it in this week.
First a blog about someone that thought consuming nothing but lemon juice, cayenne pepper sauce and maple syrup for 10 days was a great weight loss plan (no update after day one so I presume he’s dead) we have G-Gank, a frequent commenter here, with the following.
– Had a few beers. (P.S. G-Gank this is really hysterical, I hope you do more here)
So I’m blogging…. WTF is wrong with this picture? I’ve only read a few blogs in my life and they were all pretty cool but it’s not like I give a rats ass what anyone has to say because let’s face it 70% of our society is just really fucked up.
In the past 48 hours I have been bombarded with crazy-ass statistics that make me want to choke a random person on the street because it would probably make their life a hell of a lot better. The other night I was shocked to hear that 5% of the population are hoarders, then my boss told me this morning that 2% are sociopaths. Randomly, another friend informed me that Pedophiles make up 3% of the population (I have no idea how this came up but people always offer me random shit because they know I will enjoy it…. because they think I’m strange.) So in just 48 hours I discovered 10% of the freaking world is really fucked in the head. So it’s safe to assume that 70% is a realistic number.
I find this fucking hysterical because people always think I’m strange!!!!! … fuck them. I’m one of those “what-you-see” is “what-you-get people” and a lot of people just can’t deal with that. I hide nothing and that is shocking to many people. I’m sure the consensus is that I’m a bit strange and maybe too straight forward. I make it quite clear that I masturbate and I enjoy it. I have 6 cats and 3 dogs and spend thousands of dollars every year on them. I rather spend a week in the woods with my dogs than 15 minutes talking to any “normal” person. I guess that does make me strange, eh?
My former co-worker Frank was considered normal; in fact he was admired…. Great all-around guy, father, husband, who devoted much of his time to the Boy Scouts of America….. That is until the FBI came to our Federal Office at the EPA and arrested him for soliciting young boys on his Government Computer. Apparently the fucking guy loved to smell boy’s underwear. But remember…. I’m the strange one because I talk about wacking off.
Then there is my buddy Carl, 35 years as a federal employee, awesome dude…. was at Woodstock! (Pretty sure he still smoked weed). Well his wife almost died in their house because the fucking paramedics could not get the stretcher into the bedroom because he had turned his house into a fucking landfill. There was shit everywhere. How does one live this double life and hide the fact that you need to keep the April 21st classifieds from 1972? Dude clean that shit up. But remember…. I’m the strange one because I talk about getting blow jobs from hookers in Thailand.
Then there was the good old Petty Officer 1st Class Hitchcock loved by everyone and just an awesome Sailor (see attached Photo). He was just about to retire from the United States Navy and buy that fishing boat of his dreams…. that is until the NCIS and the Jacksonville Police came and snatched him up for raping his next door neighbors little girl. Poooooooor Hitchcock exclaimed the command, as I yelled kill that fucking freak! I was crucified for pre-judging this guy prior to the judge giving him a life sentence. Yeah I’m just so inconsiderate… because I wanted to put a bullet in that rapists skull.
Yeah I’m not invited to cocktail parties….. hell most of my friends don’t want me around their families because they know what I am capable of saying or doing. I say go fuck yourselves… I’ll stay at home with my pets, maybe watch some porn… and you just invite that quite, well groomed co-worker to your house to meet your wife and children…. after all he’s quite normal and harmless? Or maybe you could invite that Minnesota State Representative Kerry Gauthier after all he a great American Patriot…. Oh wait is that the same elected official who was just caught at a rest stop getting a blow job from a 17-year-old boy? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/21/kerry-gauthier-minnesota-lawmaker_n_1819601.html
- Minn. Rep. Kerry Gauthier to withdraw from House race amid sex scandal involving teen (twitchy.com)
- The F-Word (thesickbastard.wordpress.com)
- Blocking is for chumps / Late to the Skyrim party (nookdotgeek.blogspot.com)